Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
"from this day forward you will be known as Thunderpaw. Train well, and you will make an honorable warrior" Jadestar meowed loudly from the top  of  the high stone. Every cat in the clan sat below, watching her apprentice ceremony.  Evan Ravenpaw had become an apprentice. His mentor was Berrynose, one of the youngest warriors.
"Thunderpaw, your mentor will be…" Jadestar paused for a second, her eyes scanning the cats below.
"Bloodfang." a large grey tom stood up from the crowd, and walked up to the high stone.
Him? Thunderpaw silently thought to herself he looks so scary!
he climbed the high stone and stood in front of Thunderpaw.
"Bloodfang, I prey that you will pass on your skills and courage to Thunderpaw, and teach her the warrior code."
"yes Jadestar" he said not taking his eyes off Thunderpaw. He lay his head on top of Thunderpaws, and the clan begun to cheer,"Thunderpaw, Thunderpaw, Thunderpaw!"

After the ceremony, Thunderpaw, Ravenpaw, and Skypaw went to get something from the fresh-kill pile and lay dawn in a sheltered spot.
"Skypaw, are you sure you want to train to be a medicine cat?" Thunderpaw meowed.
Well, I would like to help my clan in the best way, and what better way to help them than to be a medicine cat?"
Skypaw sounded like she was the happiest cat in the whole forest.
"well I guess" Ravenpaw meowed, not looking up from his  rabbit.
"What about the nests, do you think there will be room for us ravenpaw?" thunderpaw meowed. He was to focused on scarping dawn his rabbit to Evan notice her. She just rolled her eyes and walked over to where Bluepaw and Sharppaw were eating.
"hey Bluepaw" she meowed, not bothering to greet Sharppaw. There fight the other day almost cost Thunderpaw her becoming an apprentice.
"do you think there will be room for me and Ravenpaw in the apprentice den?" she meowed
"yes, there's plenty, just go on it and make yourself a den." Bluepaw meowed
Thunderpaw dipped her head then started walking towards the apprentice den. every cat in the clan was sitting in the clearing, eating, or sharing tungs.
Once the reached the apprentice den, Bluepaw was right. There was plenty of room for some new cats. Maybe Evan twice the amount of cats that were already in there. A steady wind blew, shaking the new leaves from above, blurring the image oh the half moon. Although there was room in the den for more nest, the new question was where would she get the supplies. when she was a kit her and Ravenpaw would go and play with the fresh moss growing besides the small stream in the medicine cats den. Maybe there would be moss near the old fallen tree, just behind the apprentice den. Thunderpaw pushed her way throe the thick burier around the camp, and found the fallen tree. Fresh moss was all over the tree and would make a great nest. She began pulling the moss out, when the barrier behind her started rustling.
"Thunderpaw" a familiar voice called from behind her. She quickly spun around and saw Sharppaw. Thunderpaw was so surprised the moss she was carrying in her jaws dropped out.
"Sharppaw ,ummm" she couldn't find the words to say. Does he want to finish our fight? She nervously thought.
"I umm, wanted to say sorry, for our fight yesterday. I think I was just showing off in front of the other apprentices or something. Can we just forget about that all?" he said, looking more shy then she was.
"sure." was all she could say. She was still getting over the shock of Sharpclaw actually being nice to her.
"here, let me help" he said, then picked up her moss, and gave it to her.
"well…see ya' later" then he quickly ran back into camp.
"…..okay?" Thunderpaw was sitting there trying to comprehend what had just happened. It all went by to fast for her to Evan remember. Something about apologizing?
She shook her head back and forth, pushing the thought away. She hadn't realized how tired she was. More importantly her first day of training was tomorrow. She pushed her way back into camp and trudged into the apprentice den. She spent no time making a proper nest. She just flattened the moss, and quickly fell into sleep.
gosh my stories suck >->

but meh.

hope you enjoyed it ^^
Hello, I am Ang Jojo and i will be writing a critique on this story. This story shows how a cat, thunderpaw, feels along her ceremony, and her conversations with her friends.
I especially like the ending part of the story, where sharpclaw apologized to her. It gives me a feeling that everyone should be forgiven, and every mistake made, behind it, there is a reason for it. in the story, sharpclaw explained that she was just trying to show off to the others, causing the fight.
it is kind of touching, and the story also teach us a value: Forgiving.
earlier, the story said of thunderpaw's feeling. It allow the reader to understand her feelings, and can feel like how she feels, understand why, by being in her shoes, understanding.
at the end, she could not comprehend much, so she chooses to rest, where she might maybe another time understand.
she spent no time making a nest, showing how tired she was.
overall, a good story, an explaination of every action given, and a value taught to the reader, to forgive. :) Well done!

Thank you for reading!
Ang Jojo
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

No comments have been added yet.

Add a Comment:

:iconstreamthewolf: More from streamthewolf

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
December 25, 2012
File Size
4.3 KB